that's it, i'm moving to iceland

some random thoughts:

1) I have never been the type of person to overheat, but this summer, I feel like I've spent more time sweating and looking generally disgusting than I have with smooth hair and dry clothes. There's something so gross about walking the dog at 7 am and coming back into the house with a sheen of sweat covering my freshly showered skin.

What I find especially hilarious is that when I typed in Google Images "sweaty skin frizzy hair" this is the first result:



um, sure.

2) I'm not the type of girl who gets scared by every creak in my house. After having lived on my own for so many years, it doesn't bother me to come home to a dark house and know that I am my only protection against the potential threats and dangers that supposedly only arise when a single woman is home alone.

However, when I'm deep asleep at 2 am and wake up to my dog simultaneously waking up barking ferociously at my locked master bedroom door, I'm not going to lie...that scares the crap out of me. This is what I experienced last night as my dog sat on the edge of the bed barking persistently and intermittently growling. He then turned to the other end of my bed near the patio door. I wasn't about to open my master bedroom door to any prowlers, but I figured the third floor patio door was safe to open. Imagine my terror when I opened the door and realized my neighbor's rear motion detector lights had been set off. My dog eventually calmed down and laid down, only to stir and start whimpering at the corner of the bed. Now, let me tell you. Barking, growling, any type of seemingly aggressive behavior is scary, but comforting in that it sounds scary to someone who doesn't know my dog is scared of brooms, laundry baskets, gift wrapping rolls -- pretty much anything you hold menacingly. However, a whimpering dog? That is scary. But I've seen enough movies to know that you don't open the door to danger. So I did what any sane (and lazy) person would do. I moved a chair in front of the door, got back in bed with my cordless phone and pressed 911 so that all I'd have to do is press dial if danger presented itself...and that's how i awoke this morning...holding my cordless and cell phone with my dog spooning me. And that's when I realized. It was hot last night (read above thought) and I had set the AC to 74 degrees, but because I was too lazy to go downstairs and lower the temperature, I went to bed in a tank top...so if that masked murderer had invaded my home, I would have had to throw myself over the 3rd floor patio wearing next to nothing and traumatizing any witnesses..then again, come to think of it, if it was a masked murderer, maybe the sight of my fat and sweaty body would have been enough of a deterrent.

3) I'm starting to write again. I've been working on a story treatment, but I find the story line going in different directions. I've never been a fan of short fiction, but maybe short stories will be more my speed for my first endeavor. Anyway, stay tuned for some sneak peaks of the future Pulitzer/PEN/Hemingway/O. Henry prize winning short story collection.