[Let's pretend that I haven't been absent from the blogging world for the past 14 months. At some point, I hope to address the months of inactivity and how my life has changed during that period. However, during my absence, every time I thought about returning to blogging, I became discouraged by the idea of having to backtrack. So...let's just pick up with the present.]
Married life has been really interesting. Pork Chop and I have grown a great deal both as individuals and as a couple over the past 14 months of marriage. I now understand what older married couples mean when they state that they continually learn about themselves and their spouses during each day of marriage. I used to find that concept hard to believe because I have a tendency to take things so literally. However, lately, I've come to understand more about myself and how I fit into the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
MMEJD and I had an interesting discussion a few weeks ago about our argument styles. Being a natural born litigator, she has a tendency to fight like a "lawyer." I thought this was interesting, but didn't think about her revelation beyond that discussion. This past weekend, Pork Chop and I had a minor disagreement about something. In his frustration with me, he accused me of always "fighting like a lawyer." Since I had recently heard MME tell me that about herself, I was curious. Pork Chop's main complaint is that I'm emotionally removed from arguments and that I'm not so concerned about being "right" as I am about winning the argument. And to that extent, I use my rationalization and analytical skills essentially to "debate" with him. Pork Chop has many great talents and abilities, but I am definitely the better debater. So lately, I've been winning more arguments...but to what purpose? I'm definitely not right most of the time. I just happen to articulate my point and substantiate my claims better.
Your choice of profession does not necessarily dictate your interpersonal relationship style. I know plenty of successful therapists and social workers who cannot maintain functional and healthy personal relationships. I also don't think that all lawyers argue the same way. Transactional attorneys definitely approach problem solving a different way by envisioning and sidestepping future problems. Mediators and arbitrators practice their conciliatory skills. The various professions in the law require diverse skill sets. Those skills apparently often permeate an individual's personality. I obviously chose the area of litigation because of my personality strengths. I just never thought of myself as a typical litigator. I'm non-confrontational by nature and I always thought I didn't like the current state of the adversarial system in American litigation. Apparently, I have been fooling myself. I'm more of a litigator in my personal life than I realized.
To this extent, I have come to realize that I need to adjust my argument approach. I don't need to win every argument. There is no judge or jury to issue a verdict. No one will be wowed by my charismatic and convincing closing arguments. I have to view people as people, not opposing counsel. I need to find an emotional connection to people and work on developing my empathy for others. By doing so, hopefully I can be a better friend, daughter, sister, and most importantly, spouse.
1 comment:
I can't decide.... would I rather be a better wife than a litigator?!
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