It's my last day at the job I've loathed for the better part of a year. I've woken up each day in 2008 having to talk myself into getting out of bed to go to this job. Without meaning to, I let this job suck the life and passion out of me. I was overly negative, pessimistic, joyless and bitchy. I complained and whined and was an altogether unpleasant person. When I've come across intolerable people, instead of reacting with the manners my parents raised me, I found a fleeting satisfaction in being impolite and dismissive.
I'm not proud of the person I was here.
Fortunately, today is my last day here. I'm finding myself somewhat sad about leaving. I've met some interesting people, had many fun conversations, laughed at inane things and altogether found myself passing time faster than I realized. It's nearly October and 2008 is almost over. All things considered, this place wasn't so awful. Sure, the work environment was uninspiring and the tasks were laughable. However, in the end, it was a job. A job that paid. A job that enabled me to secure a mortgage with my husband, pay down my car loans, student loans and credit card debt and while away many a day by chit-chatting with friends and catching up on blogs. Now that I've put it in context, I guess it wasn't so terrible.
I can say that now that I have perspective. I'm going back to the job I took straight out of law school. I'm excited to return to the field in which I thrived. I'm looking forward to the work, the people, the cases, and even the bureaucratic nuisances involved. However, I'm most excited about the prospect of feeling that my legal education, enormous debt that I incurred and years spent pursuing intellectual property were worth it. I will finally feel validated. I will finally feel like a real attorney.
I hope that along with this newfound confidence and optimism, I find the "happy" part of the old me. I've missed her and I think everyone who knew the old me would much rather welcome the 2007 happy roy than deal with this unpleasant 2008 version.
3 comments:
"Do you know what I mean when I say political, Happy Roy?"
Come on! You're going to miss some things!
i think one of the most important lessons in life is learning to be humble and grateful despite the most dire of circumstances, because really the "worst" circumstance to us is not that bad compared to someone else's plight.
it's never too late to become the person you want to be. hope you find happiness and fulfillment in that process.
your friendly reminder its time to start blogging again :-)
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